This is, by far, the single most hard (hardest) thing I have ever done. Not the moving to another country and trying to earn a living, I can handle that; as much as quitting your job because it’s too-stressful-for-you-to-care-about goes. I’m talking about being true to yourself, living for your dream. Now that’s not a job that would ever be too stressful. It’s this in-betweeness that’s hard. Turning down opportunities because they don’t pay enough to keep you alive, even though you’ll get to meet and work with people. Being stuck in the apartment all day trying to find something to fill the in-betweeness without compromising what you want to do. Ugh, it’s exhausting.
When I first came out here I met up with a friend who works in animation. He was in-between jobs and getting pretty skint. I remember thinking ‘I couldn’t live like that’. Now here I am, living like that; pulling out my hair because Covered California and Medi-cal are being opposing magnets and Jon’s prescription needs renewing. Aching over exactly what to put in the resume and what to put in the cover letter and probably doing a crappy job at both. Then…BOOM! I lose the cover letter. That was it…I had to get out of our claustrophobic kitchen! Argh!
I went to Griffith Park, about two miles from here, to an area Jon and I had looked at a few days ago. We’d gone too late to really explore and I didn’t fancy the idea of the car being towed away at sunset and having to walk home so we left. I had it in my head that it was going to be all hot and oppressive but it was actually reasonably cool beneath the trees. Pine wafted in the air and, on crossing the road, I found a refreshing stream/muddy bog full of dragonfly and birds. Not bad, LA, not bad.
After sitting on a concrete bench and rewriting my cover letter I scuffed my feet through the sand and back to the other side of the road. There’s a little park, varied levels to walk on, the rowdiest squirrels I’ve ever heard, kicking off with dogs and protecting their nuts. This time I sat a picnic bench by an imaginary pond, played hide-and-seek with a lizard and found some inspiration. Two lots of inspiration in fact.